


Only know you love him when you let him go

by taeyong (yuraxchan)



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Football, Enemies to Lovers, M/M, Miscommunication, Secret Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-20
Updated: 2017-05-20
Packaged: 2018-11-02 21:47:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,795
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10953372
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yuraxchan/pseuds/taeyong
Summary: He smiles as he sees the figure standing there, half hidden in the shadow, and dumps his bag on the floor as he runs into his lover’s arms. Their chests bump and he giggles, tiptoeing to kiss him square on the mouth.





	Only know you love him when you let him go

**Author's Note:**

  * In response to a prompt by Anonymous in the [NCTprompts_VI](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/NCTprompts_VI) collection. 



> **Prompt:**
> 
>  
> 
> Johnny and Jaehyun might belong to arch-rival football teams but it doesn't stop them from making out under the bleachers at night.

“Don’t worry, we’ll crush them next time.”

Jaehyun looks at his teammate and offers him a small smile. He’s a bit disappointed sure, but not as much as he should be and he feels guilty about it. As the captain, he should be upset that his team lost, but at the same time…

His gaze wanders on their rival team’s players and he has to bite the inside of his cheek not to grin. The Limitless’ captain meets his gaze and smirks. Jaehyun quickly looks away.

“Look at this deepshit boasting...”, mumbles Donghyuk. “Ugh. I hate them.”

Jaehyun pats his shoulder. “Don’t be like that, we can’t always win.”

Donghyuk frowns and glares one last time at The Limitless before heading to the changing room. With one last glance in the direction of his rivals, Jaehyun follows him.

The guys are all upset about losing, their shoulders slumped, frowns marring their faces. Jaehyun sighs loudly and claps his hands loudly three times. “Come on, guys! We did well, okay? Next time, I’m sure we’ll win.” He grins. “We’re _still_ the number one team!”

Mark cheers, whistling, and the others follow, screaming at the top of their lungs their mantra. Jaehyun chuckles and joins them. “We are! We are! The 7th sense!”

The mood is better afterward and the coach thanks Jaehyun, hugging him tightly. “I’m proud of you, son.” He swats his ass and winks, heading to the door. His teammates do the same, hitting his ass with their towels, sweaty shirts or hands as they bypass him to go wash up. Jaehyun laughs and quickly takes off his clothes to join them.

“Hey, do you guys think their dicks are bigger than ours?” cackles Donghyuk as he shampoos his hair vigorously.

Next to him, Mark groans. “What the fuck, dude?”

“Aren’t you curious?” he smirks, wiggling his eyebrows.

“Why would I be curious about others’ dicks?” Mark points out, confused. “I don’t even know why we’re having this conversation.”

Jaehyun looks down at the water disappearing down the shower tray, avoiding meeting anyone’s eyes. He tries to tune out the conversation but it’s hard not to listen when his teammates are talking so loudly and obnoxiously one meter away from him.

“Captain?” he hears and turns to Donghyuk. “Do you think yours is bigger than that guy’s? Johnny something?”

Jaehyun nearly chokes on his saliva. “I...don’t know.” he says lamely.

“Jaehyun doesn’t give a fuck about others’ dicks, like the rest of us.” Mark sighs. “ _You_ should _not_ care too.”

Donghyuk rolls his eyes and flips him off. Jaehyun rinses himself off, leaves the showers first, and gets dressed efficiently. He slows down when he realizes that it would appear suspicious if he left early and busies himself with his phone as the others get dressed.

When one of them _finally_ leaves, waving at them, Jaehyun takes his chance. He grabs his bag and follows him out. “Bye guys, see you on Monday! Rest well and don’t hurt yourself, we have our last match of the season next week!”

“Yes captain!” they reply in concert.

Grinning at them, he pushes the door open. When he hears quick footsteps behind him, he looks back to see Mark jogging towards him. “Hey,” he says, curious.

“Hey. You’re leaving early.” Mark points out.

“Yeah...”

“I’ve noticed that you’ve been leaving early these past few weeks.” Mark comments. “Everything’s alright?”

“Oh.” Jaehyun’s eyes widens. He didn’t think anyone had noticed. He’s probably less subtle than he ought to be. “Everything is fine. Just. Stuff.”

Humming, Mark doesn’t ask for more. Jaehyun is grateful. He doesn’t want to lie to his friend, but he can’t tell him the truth yet. It’s too soon. Jaehyun can’t risk it. The team is too important for him.

Jaehyun clears his throat. “How are _you_? What’s up in your life nowadays?”

“Fine. Just stuff.” Mark smirks, bumping their shoulders together. “See you Monday, captain!” he adds, walking quicker and leaving Jaehyun behind.

Biting his lips, Jaehyun stops in his track, lost in thoughts. He haven’t talked to his friends in weeks and he just noticed. He feels like an asshole but he doesn’t have a choice. Sighing loudly, he looks around, making sure he’s alone, and ducks under the bleachers.

He smiles as he sees the figure standing there, half hidden in the shadow, and dumps his bag on the floor as he runs into his lover’s arms. Their chests bump and he giggles, tiptoeing to kiss him square on the mouth.

He draws back to whisper a small, “hi there, _captain_ ,” then kisses him again, with intent this time. His lover’s mouth parts as he chuckles and he slides his tongue into his mouth, kissing him sensually. “Next time, we’ll beat you.” he mumbles against his mouth, nibbling viciously at his lower lip.

Johnny hums and keeps kissing him, grabbing his hips to pull him closer. Jaehyun pushes him against the wall as he pushes his tongue inside his mouth once more, moaning softly. Johnny’s hands sneak under his hoodie to caress his lower back, nestling one of his thighs between Jaehyun’s legs. Jaehyun groans, bucking his hips up, and starts grinding shamelessly against it.

Laughing, Johnny pulls his face away and pecks his nose. “Impatient.”

“Shut up, we lost because of you,” he snaps. “Take responsibility.”

The Limitless’ captain grins, his warm breath hitting Jaehyun’s cheek. “Gladly.” His hand comes up to brush away Jaehyun’s still wet hair, pressing a kiss against his forehead. “Aren’t you hungry?”

Slumping against him, Jaehyun nods. “I am.”

“We should go eat something then.” Johnny reasons, his knuckles brushing against his face.

Jaehyun pouts. “I want to keep kissing you though.”

“Priorities, babe.” Johnny teases him, bending down to nuzzle his jaw. “Come to mine after, yeah?”

Hesitating, Jaehyun shifts from one foot to another. He bites his lips, looks down at the floor, then back up at his lover’s hopeful gaze. “What if someone sees us?”

Sighing, Johnny turns his head to the side and pulls away. “So?” he bites out, grabbing his own bag. “Taeyong knows, you know. He doesn’t care. Why would your teammates care about who you fuck?”

“Because you’re _you_. They will care.” Jaehyun cards his fingers through his hair anxiously. “And please don’t say we’re _fucking_.”

Johnny snorts. “But that’s all we do, Jae. Sure, we kiss and make out under bleachers after our games but that’s it. We don’t go on dates, we don’t meet each other’s friends or parents. It’s been four months and I want more. We don’t do anything but fuck.” He lets out a sigh. “Well, when you agree to come to mine that is.” he snorts viciously.

Jaehyun glares at him. “You’re being unfair. You know how much the team means to me.”

“So that’s what it is then? You care more about the team than me?” Johnny’s eyes throw daggers at him, daring Jaehyun to contradict him. At Jaehyun’s silence, his eyes narrow and his face crumbles. “Wow, okay. That’s...I guess that explains it.”

Jaehyun clenches his fists but doesn’t reply, not knowing what to say.

Johnny inhales sharply. “I don’t want to be your dirty little secret. I deserve more than that.”

“I know,” Jaehyun answers softly. “I’m sorry.”

“Me too.” Nodding, Johnny tightens his grip on his bag, dejected or sad, Jaehyun doesn’t really know what expression his ex-lover is wearing now. “I guess we’re done then. No more secret to hide for you. Maybe that’s better for everyone...” he trails off tiredly before walking away.

Jaehyun stays frozen on the spot. He doesn’t try to go after him, knowing how much he hurt him. He’s been hurting him from the start, knowing he wouldn’t be able to assume their relationship. There’s nothing he could do or say that would make things right.

Perhaps Johnny is right, perhaps it’s better to stop this nonsense now. It would only hurt them more later on anyway. Yeah, he thinks, it’s probably for the best.

Grabbing his bag, Jaehyun leaves too.

 

 

“So, you being all down and suddenly spending so much time with us this week, after ignoring us for _weeks_ , and The Limitless’ captain making sad puppy eyes at you from the bleachers aren’t related by chance?” Mark whispers, wiping the sweat from his forehead.

Jaehyun looks around nervously, making sure no one else from the team can hear their conversation. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he mumbles, drinking more water. He quickly glances in Johnny’s direction though before turning his head away when their eyes meet.

“Busted.” Mark snickers. “You totally looked at him just now.”

“I didn’t.”

“You totally did, dude.”

Jaehyun sighs.

“Come on, what is it? Did you two fight?” his friend asks gently. “Were you...friends?”

His shoulders slumping, Jaehyun caves. “We were together.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah...”

“What happened?”

“You’re not mad?” Jaehyun asks, surprised. “I betrayed you, guys.”

Mark snorts. “Please. This isn’t Romeo and Juliet.”

“They’re our rivals...”

“Jae, you’re taking things too seriously. It’s only football. As long as you beat his ass on the field I don’t care if you’re dating.” his friend admits, exasperated.

“Who’s dating who?” Donghyuk pipes out.

“No one,” Jaehyun quickly replies. He’s saved from further questions when the game starts again.

Mark pats his shoulder.

“Okay, guys. It’s our last game of the season, we need to win!” Jaehyun screams at the top of his lungs.

“Yes captain!”

Jaehyun grins. He has a game to win. He can’t let himself be distracted now.

 

 

“Captain,” Donghyuk says suddenly. He’s been quiet since they came back from the field, which is weird for a talkative guy like him. Jaehyun can feel the tension in the room. “Who are you dating?”

Jaehyun stills before shrugging. “No one.”

“The Limitless’ captain kept looking at you during the game.” he continues.

There’s a silence in the locker room. All his teammates’ eyes focused on Jaehyun.

“What’s his name again?” someone asks.

“Johnny,” Jaehyun replies softly. “His name is Johnny.”

“Are you dating him, captain?”

“No.” He sighs, taking off his shorts. “We broke up.”

“Is it because of us?” Donghyuk tries.

Jaehyun looks at him and frowns. Donghyuk looks guilty. “No. Well...not really.” He sighs. “I was just worried about how you guys would react, I guess. I didn’t want to betray you. He didn’t want us to hide anymore and...You guys are my priority.”

Mark groans. “You’re an idiot.”

“I know,” he whines. “I was just scared okay. As the captain-”

“You can date whoever you want, dude.” Donghyuk cuts in. “I’m sorry if you felt like you had to hide because of what I’ve been saying about them. I don’t have anything against them as...people.”

“What that idiot means is that yes we’re rivals, but only on the field.” Mark explains. “I’ve been friends with Taeyong for years, you know. We’re childhood friends.”

Jaehyun widens his eyes. “You knew? About Johnny and I?”

“Yeah.” Mark grimaces. “Taeyong slipped out. I wanted to tell you but...”

“You should talk to him,” another teammate advices and they all nod eagerly.

Jaehyun drops his eyes to the floor. “I hurt him.”

“He likes you, a lot.” Mark points out.

“Now that the season ended, you can start anew.” Donghyuk adds.

“I don’t know.” Jaehyun sighs before grinning. “Anyway, let’s go out and celebrate tonight! We’re still number one guys!”

 

 

As he lies awake that night, still quite intoxicated, Jaehyun is reminded of the times he spent with Johnny. The truth is that he misses him very much. He doesn’t want to be selfish and contact him again, knowing how much he hurt him, but at the same time he really wants to talks to him again, to see him again, to kiss him again, to make love to him again.

Deciding that _fuck it_ , he grabs his phone. He tries to concentrate but he’s kinda drunk and words are hard when you’re drunk.

_hey I think you don’t want to have anything to do with me anymore and maybe you blocked my number but I miss you_

Bless the automatic corrector, he thinks, in awe.

_I miss seeing your face, I miss kissing you, I miss staring at you in the morning (creepy I know), I miss your arms around me_

_I even miss your weird laugh_

_I miss you johnny_

The thing is, when he starts typing it’s like he can’t stop. He just writes everything he wants to say to Johnny, everything he wasn’t able to tell him to his face. He really hopes Johnny will understand how much he’s sorry and how much he cares about him.

_I think I might love you_

_I mean I don’t think!!! I know I love you_

_is it too soon? Omg it’s too soon right?_

_we’re not even together anymore_

_i’m sorry I wanted to hide our rs_

_I was an asshole and I hurt you i’m sorry_

_if you’re still mad I understand_

_I hope we could be friends one day tho_

_not yet because it’ll be hard for me to be your friends_

_I keep telling you how I feel...without knowing how you feel…_

_am I being selfish again?_

_i’m sorry_

_I hope you’re okay_

_good night_

He falls asleep before sending his last message, his phone resting on his chest.

 

 

When he wakes up, badly hungover, his head hurts and he feels like shit. His throat is dry and his mouth tastes like death. His phone slides down the mattress as he sits up and he frowns before panicking. He remembers texting Johnny but he doesn’t remember what he said. He sighs when he reads the unsent message “I love you” and grimaces as he scrolls up the conversation. He feels like a loser. It’s pathetic. _He_ ’s pathetic.

Johnny hasn’t replied but Jaehyun doesn’t blame him. He probably knows he’s been drinking after their win and has drunk texted him. How could Johnny believe in what he said after their last conversation face to face? He wouldn’t believe it himself. Groaning, he faceplants on his bed and burrows his face in his pillow.

His mom shakes him awake and he whines like a baby. “What is it?”

“Someone is at the door for you.”

“Who?”

“I don’t know. He says he’s a friend.”

“Tell him to come up, I can’t move my legs.”

His mom sighs disapprovingly. “You shouldn’t have drunk so much.”

“I’m 18, mom, and we won!” he points out, pouting childishly.

His mom rolls his eyes and pets his thighs. “18 my ass.”

Jaehyun grins when she leaves and closes his eyes again. He wonders who it is. His teammates are probably feeling like shit too so it can’t be anyone of the team. He gets his answer when someone closes the door of his bedroom and clears his throat. Jaehyun’s heart stops and he scrambles to sit up.

“Hi,” Johnny smiles.

Jaehyun stares, confused. “Hi,” he breathes out. “W-What are you...”

“Your texts.”

“Oh.” Jaehyun bites his lips, feeling miserable. “Sorry...I’m hungover. And I probably look like shit.”

Johnny shakes his head, his expression soft. “You look good.”

Licking his lips, Jaehyun pats his rumpled bed and motions for him to sit.

“I can’t stay.” Johnny declines politely and Jaehyun tries to hide his disappointed face. “I’m having lunch with my family. I just had to make sure...” he pauses. “Did you mean it? What you texted me?”

Jaehyun freezes. Johnny drops his gaze.

“Probably not then.” He smiles wanly, looking strangely vulnerable. It breaks Jaehyun’s heart. “Sorry, I’ll get going. I just-”

“ _Yes.”_ Jaehyun blurts out, standing up. “I mean it, all of it.” His heart pounding, he steps closer. “Everything I said was true. I was drunk but it’s true. All of it.”

“Do you...” Johnny trails off, closing the distance between them. His eyes trace Jaehyun’s face and stop on his lips.

Gulping, Jaehyun raises his hand to cup his face. “Yes.”

Grinning, Johnny bends down to kiss him but his mouth hits Jaehyun’s cheek.

“Don’t kiss me before I brushed my teeth, oh my god!” Jaehyun squeaks out, his cheeks flaming red in embarrassment.

Laughing softly, Johnny snorts. “I don’t care.”

“Excuse you, but _I_ do.” he mumbles petulantly.

Johnny bites his lips, trying not to laugh and hugs him against his chest. “You should probably shower too.”

Affronted, Jaehyun hits his chest and pulls away. “I take it back, I _despise_ you.”

Chuckling, Johnny wiggles his eyebrows, drawing him closer. “Liar, you love me,” he murmurs, pressing a kiss to his forehead.

“I was drunk.”

“Jae,” he says, fondly annoyed. “Shut up and be still. Let me hold you for a minute.”


End file.
